Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He kissed a someone with a penis
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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