I want to stick my p in your. b.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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