Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
