he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize