its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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