Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
