so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
