Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Blood and glitter go together right?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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