Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
