Cold hands, warm shart.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
