My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
