I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize