I think I died a long time ago.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
