He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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