whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
