i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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