I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize