he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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