the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
