I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
