I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
NoShamevember. You game?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
