The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
