What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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