I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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