im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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