yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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