We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
