Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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