Buhtt sex?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
