i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
