Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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