There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
