At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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