I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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