today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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