I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
