She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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