my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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