please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
