Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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