Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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