These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
