It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
