the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
