I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
