The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
