im gay
i know
yea but for you.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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