if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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