i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
birth control should be required to get into college
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
