I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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