I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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