I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize