i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
