yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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