i just made my gag reflex go away.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
