By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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