I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
