when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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