You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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