she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
