I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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