She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You need Xanax blowdarts
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
