I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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