I'm lost and stupid without you.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
