fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
