apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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