There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
