the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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